What happens when I die?  A Jewish Perspective
by Rabbi Susan Abramson

L’chaim. To Life. This is the most important wish of our Jewish faith. Judaism believes that how we live our life in this world is valued above all else.

Of the 613 laws which we are commanded to observe in the Torah, we are taught that every single one of them can and should be violated in order to save a life except for murder, idolatry, incest and adultery. The Talmud teaches that if you take one life, it is as if you have destroyed the entire world. If you save one life, it is as if you have saved the entire world.

When we confess our sins on the holy day of Yom Kippur, it is not for the expectation that when we die we will go to a better place. It is to help us improve in our next year of this life, to help right the wrongs we committed in this world, to help make this world a better place. Our ancestors taught that if a wedding procession and a funeral procession were to arrive at an intersection at the same time, the wedding procession should continue first, because a life affirming ritual takes precedence over a ritual for a life which has ended.

Because what we do in this life is of such paramount importance, our faith places little emphasis on what happens after we die. There are a variety of images and concepts in the Jewish Bible and in subsequent texts, which lead us to the conclusion that Jews can have their own ideas about the afterlife without it interfering with their Jewish faith. When the prophet Elijah dies we are told that he is carried off into the sky. In the Book of Samuel, Samuel comes back from a place called Sheol, which is some sort of underworld where he seemed to be resting. The Book of Daniel refers to a time when the Messiah comes, when our bodies will be physically resurrected. Very traditional Jews today believe that the bodies of the righteous will be resurrected when the Messiah comes. Psalm 115 refers to the dead as not being able to praise God.

In later Jewish texts, there are references to the Olam Haba – the world to come – which Jews would often refer to longingly to give them hope when their lives were particularly miserable. A Talmudic sage wrote: "The world to come is not at all like this world. In the world to come, there is no eating, no drinking, no procreation, no commerce, no envy, no hatred, no rivalry; the righteous sit with crowns on their heads and enjoy the radiance of the Divine Presence." There is the Hasidic idea that each human being is born with a spark of God within them. When they die, that spark returns to God.

What we as modern Jews would generally agree on is that we live on through the memory of those whose lives we impacted, through our accomplishments, in the hearts of those we touched.

Life is more important than death. This is the premise upon which our mourning rituals are based. The minute a person dies, our main obligation is to honor that person by cleansing the body and preparing it for burial. Out of respect for the body we don’t change it in any way. It is against Jewish law to embalm a body or cremate it. It is against Jewish law to have an open casket so the person may be remembered when they were alive and to avoid the possibility of anyone making disparaging remarks about the deceased in their presence. The best way for others to honor the dead is to make a donation in their memory to a charity that may have been important to them. This is the best way for the good deeds of the deceased to continue to have an impact in this world.

A Jewish funeral is supposed to happen as soon as possible after the death, for the sake of the mourners. The emphasis is on helping the mourners through their grief process so they can continue on with their lives. Mourning rituals at the time of a funeral include tearing one’s clothes or wearing a torn kriah ribbon, symbolizing how their heart is broken, how they are not whole at this time. The funeral consists of the recitation of psalms, including the 23rd psalm, a eulogy, and the El Mole Rachamim prayer which refers to the God of compassion who will guard the soul of the loved one in everlasting peace. Then the body is brought to a cemetery where it is traditionally lowered into the grave. After the recitation of the Kaddish prayer, those present are to place dirt upon the casket as their final way of saying goodbye. Traditional Jews would actually stay and completely fill in the grave.

It is a Jewish tradition that Jews be buried in “Jewish burial grounds.” This dates back to the Talmud which refers to a righteous man not being buried next to a sinner. The Talmud defines a sinner as, among other offenses, one who worships idols. Since in Talmudic times many non-Jews worshipped idols, it became the practice for Jewish burial grounds to be separated from all others. In our day and age with so many mixed marriages, Jewish communities are trying to come up with creative solutions to the issue of families being buried together.

After the funeral, the family immediately returns home to begin the first phase of mourning called Shiva. Shiva is the Hebrew word for seven because it is supposed to last for seven days. When the family returns home, it is customary for them to wash their hands at the front door, before they enter the house. They light a seven day candle. It is traditional that others have a meal ready for them. Among the foods served should be hard boiled eggs, symbolizing the cycle of life and bread, symbolic of sustenance. It is traditional to cover the mirrors because during this period mourners are not supposed to think about their appearance. The mourners’ job is to focus on their grief. They are not supposed to go to work, listen to music, or go to parties. It is the function of friends to come and visit. Often during this period there will be a minyan or worship service, at the shiva home. A minyan is a group of ten or more adult Jews needed in order to have a full worship service. Though our Sabbath (which is Friday night through Saturday at sundown) is counted as one of the seven days of shiva, we are not supposed to “sit shiva” on that day. People don’t come to visit that day. We don’t wear the kriah ribbons. We often come to services at the temple.

The next stage of grief is called shloshim, which means 30, since it lasts for 30 days. During this time the mourner can return to work, but is still not supposed to attend parties, etc. The kriah ribbon is still worn. It is traditional to attend services every day to recite the kaddish prayer or at least once a week to hear your loved one’s name read at a Shabbat service. The Kaddish is a prayer which praises God and life. We recite it so often while we’re in mourning to help us move through the grief process toward a renewed ability to appreciate life, God and the world.

The third period of mourning is 11 months long. Traditional Jews continue to refrain from parties, music and other frivolities during this time, as well as continuing to recite the Kaddish daily. Often at the end of this last mourning period, there is an unveiling of the grave stone. After that, each year people come to temple to observe the yahrzeit, the anniversary of the Hebrew date of the loved one’s death, by having their name read before the recitation of the kaddish. At home people light a yahrzeit candle. The most important role a person of any faith can play in the Jewish mourning process is to be a presence for the mourner… to visit the shiva home, to stay in touch with the mourner after the shiva period is over, to express your concern and support.